After ending an abusive relationship that left me completely lost and drained, my mind felt fractured. The neglect, the feeling of not being chosen, the constant erasure—all this stayed with me, leaving me doubting every decision, every feeling, every part of myself. I had been my own harshest critic, my inner dialogue a storm that never let up.
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One night, lying in bed, replaying all the pain, I realised I had to do something. Something meaningful. Something that could change the way I was living in my own mind. The next morning, I made a small, yet revolutionary choice: I decided to wear my favourite hoodie from SublimeElle Self-Love. I had bought it as a sample, but that day, it became my shield. Soft against my skin, warm around my shoulders, it reminded me that I could protect myself, even gently.
That was just the beginning of my revolutionary journey of self-compassion, which has been leading me to make peace with my inner voice. It has not been easy: it takes time, patience with myself, self-awareness, constancy, and above all, compassion for myself. If you are curious, you can see my Self-love blue hoodie here.
Another object that always makes me feel warm inside and quiet my mind is my self-compassion yellow mug from SublimeElle Self-Love.
It is comforting and reassuring, and it is in my favourite colour. I find solace holding it with my hands while sipping my coffee, in the morning, before leaving the house. Yellow for courage to step into visibility. For awakening, understanding, and mental clarity. For warmth and sunshine.
Looking at the design and the quote, "embracing my missteps, forgiving myself", I keep reflecting on how far I have come. While I feel the smooth warmth in my hands, I let myself forgive the missteps, the self-criticisms, and the moments when I had doubted my worth. Each sip is a conversation with myself, one that says: I see you. I choose you. I am gentle with you.
But this isn’t just about me. This is about you, reading this right now. The storms in your mind, the harsh judgments you speak to yourself, can be transformed. Here’s how you can start:
1. Identify Your Inner Critic: Is it your friend or your enemy?
If it is harsh, start by noticing the negative thoughts that replay in your head. Write them down if it helps. For example: “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed.” Seeing them on paper or in your mind makes them tangible and easier to challenge.
2. Respond with Compassion
For every punitive thought, respond as you would to a dear friend. If your mind says, “You failed again,” answer: “It’s okay. I’m learning. Mistakes are part of growth.” Use tools around you—a comforting hoodie, a favourite mug, a playlist, or even your journal—as reminders to speak kindly to yourself.
3. Create Gentle Rituals
Small acts can anchor your self-compassion. Perhaps it’s wrapping yourself in something cosy, like a hoodie from SublimeElle Self-Love, holding a favourite mug, or lighting a candle while you breathe deeply. These rituals help your mind connect comfort with safety and self-care.
4. Celebrate Small Wins
Every step you take toward gentleness is a victory. Did you pause instead of criticising yourself when something went wrong? Did you speak kindly instead of harshly when you missed a deadline? Did you forgive a misstep, based on a decision you made in the past? Celebrate it. Journaling, affirmations, or simply acknowledging these small but crucial victories silently can reinforce the change.
5. Transform Patterns Over Time
Changing your inner dialogue isn’t instant. It’s a practice, a daily conversation with your own heart and mind. Over time, the more you respond with kindness, the more your thoughts shift from criticism to encouragement, from self-doubt to self-love.
The choice to wrap myself in that hoodie that morning wasn’t a habit yet—it was a stepping stone. One act, one intention, that started an internal revolution.
You can create your own revolution today. Start small. Be intentional. Speak kindly. Surround yourself with what nurtures your spirit.
Transforming your inner dialogue and learning to be gentle with yourself is never truly “finished.” It’s a lifelong journey, a work in progress that evolves as you grow, face new challenges, and uncover deeper layers of your own mind. Self-awareness is key—recognising the thoughts that tear you down, noticing when you are harsh or impatient with yourself, and choosing self-love and responding with compassion and understanding.
Every small act of kindness toward yourself—whether it’s pausing to breathe, forgiving a misstep, or embracing your past without judgment—strengthens this inner revolution. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, and there will be days when you stumble. That’s okay. The act of noticing, forgiving, and recommitting to gentleness is what matters most.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and continue to nurture a dialogue that supports, encourages, and uplifts you. This is your ongoing journey, and you are allowed to grow at your own pace.
Your Journey Starts Now
Today, choose one small act of self-compassion. Maybe it’s holding a warm drink, wearing a comforting item, or saying a gentle word to yourself. Notice how it feels. Breathe in that kindness.
Let it remind you: you are worthy, you are enough, you are seen.
As I mentioned, my journey is ongoing. But I can say now that I am more at peace with myself. The war in my mind has stopped; I feel grounded in who I am. I am proud of myself. I am enough. I am worthy, loving and lovable. And I deserve the very best myself and this world can give. And so do you!
I’d love to hear from you: what small act of self-compassion will you choose today? Leave a comment below and share your journey—we can inspire each other to be gentle with ourselves.
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